When Grief Rolls In

 Grief can rise from the most unexpected times and places. In December, it will be a year that our beloved Sis. Vickie went home to be with the Lord. She has been on my mind a lot lately. Today, as my son and I were cleaning the church, he asked me about washing the baseboards in the foyer. I had a playlist playing on my phone and as he asked, the song changed to a song that Sis Vickie often referred to believing God was going to heal her of ALS.  I just stood in the foyer, mop in hand, and tears started streaming down my face. I remembered finding her on her hands and knees cleaning the baseboards so that it would be clean for a Sunday service. I remembered getting on my knees with her to help. She taught me almost everything she knew. She was going to teach me how to remove the light bulbs from the ceiling, but we never got around to it. She loved Bethel. She prayed fervently for the saints who filled the pews. She wept for those who no longer attended. She taught me how to forgive and love anyway. I remember pulling some late nights with her setting up for a church event. She would get a call or text from Bro Davis asking her when she was coming home. She would tell him what dinner was, she would be home as soon as she could and then she would get back to work. Sometimes, I stayed to finish so she could go home, and I would discover, she went to the office and was on the phone praying with someone or taking care of something that didn't get done. I never once heard her complain. It was her joy to serve.  I miss her a great deal. We truly believed God was going to heal her of ALS.  It's not the same without her. I try to love like she loved. I try to clean with the same care as she did. I try to pray like she prayed. I try to worship like she worshiped. I fall short many times. It's easy to be tempted to ask God why He chose to take her instead of doing a miraculous healing. It's easy to be tempted to stop believing that God is a healer.  I choose to trust that God has a plan. I choose to still believe in His healing power. Instead of running from God when grief rolls in, I run to Him. The holidays are upon us, and they tend to bring front and center the loss of a loved one or the remembrance of broken dreams. To those who are walking this road called grief, please know you are not alone. The pain is real. The loss is great. May the peace of God carry you through your grief. May His comfort sustain you. May you find joy in the good memories. May you keep them alive by teaching others the good things they instilled in you. I will be teaching RJ how to clean the baseboards of the church, just like she taught me. I will encourage others to love one another. I will teach the new saints how to pray. I will love on every baby that is born into the church. I will try to love like Sis Vickie loved. God is good.