Take A Walk With Me

Woke up from my sleep crying deep gut wrenching sobs. I sent a message to someone that I know will pray for me when they see it. As I laid in my bed weeping, I remembered the wisdom of a dear friend who has gone on to be with the Lord. When your life circumstances are overwhelming, go to the Lord in prayer for others. Leave your pain at the feet of Jesus and then lift up the to heaven the names of thr hurting and broken.  So I got up. Made a pot of coffee, went to my prayer corner in my room and did just that. Most days I’m strong, other days I’m not.  To the widow/widower, I prayed for you. To the single parent who is hanging on by a thread, I prayed for you. To the struggling married couple, I prayed for you. To the single who is constantly overlooked, I prayed for you. To the evangelist who doesn’t have a home, I prayed for you. To the missionary who is giving their all for just one soul, I prayed for you. To the pastors wife that wants to give up, I prayed for you. To the ...

 November and December are what I like to call awareness months. They are busy times. Holidays are here and there is so much to do. It is also a reminder of loved ones who have passed on. They are no longer at the dinner table. It's a reminder to the single that they are going to go home alone when the celebration ends.  Be kind to yourself.  Did you know it's ok to grieve what once was and what may never be? Feel it, acknowledge it and then remember the good you have around you. Live your life. Remember what was lost and let it be a memory. Be in the present and keep moving towards the future. God is good. 

 Nancy Grandquist was an amazing singer. She loved her family. She was larger than life. She sparkled. She was unashamed. I can go on and on describing who she was. I listened to her music as I cleaned the house, cooked dinner and prepared my lesson plans for my students. I kept thinking over and over through my tears, what a legacy she has left behind. She loved so deeply. She was all over the place and traveled all over the world. She reached as many people as she could in any way she could. Nancy was timeless. Glamorous. Elegant. Wild. Calm. Funny. Humble. Honest. Pure. Chef. Mother. Wife. Friend. Unashamed. That word stands out to me the most. Unashamed. She didn't do what she did for the approval of an audience. She did it because she knew her God. She did it because she loved her God. She did it because she knew who she was. She lived out loud and unashamed. In a world where Christians tend to hold back and not say everything, she shouted it from the mountaintops. In a world ...

Ever felt like you were going against the tide? If you have never been to the ocean, you may not fully understand what that means. You push forward even when everything is pushing back against you, and you start to lose your footing by the shifting of the sands underneath you. It's not easy going against the tide. It can cause you to want to give up at times. I want to encourage you, if you are being led or called to move forward in a direction and everything seems to be going wrong, keep moving forward. God will show up when the time is right and all of a sudden it will be a smooth walk on the water. God is good. 

 I shall not fear the arrow by day nor the terror by night.. my God sets an encampment around me… these words from a song are playing on repeat in my home right now. Life has pushed me to my knees. All of it is too much. On my knees I cry out to the Lord and begin to fight back the way I know how- praise. I’m not afraid- all is well- over and over again. Praise is where I find my victory and strength. All is absolutely not well- but the God who governs angels, orders encampments around me. Who shall I fear?  I sit back and rest in His peace and presence. It’s then I see something RJ had left out for me to find before he left for camp. I see the words heart of gold in a paper mate that had been given to me as a gift from one of RJ’s schools as a gift of appreciation for all I had done at their school. Then comes the gentle whisper- that is who you are- remember? My daughter. The girl who overcame great adversity who chose forgiveness over bitterness. Who allowed yourself to lov...

Dear single mother, did you know that God goes before you? Did you know that He loves you so much that he puts in the hearts of people to love you and children as if you are their family?  It’s not His heart to see you suffer. It’s really not His plan for you to do it all alone. I wish I could tell you some nice man will come along and be your knight in shining armor. I wish I could tell you that your kids will have an earthly dad who loves them right and yes, even loves you as you deserve. It doesn’t always happen that way. Your children have a Heavenly Father who does care, who will provide and protect. You don’t have to do it alone. Lean on the family God places you in and learn to find rest in His presence. He will be your strength and He will always make a way. #trustinggod

  Today has been an interesting day. Some I will share and some I will keep to myself. I was notified that I need to go back to the NY Supreme Court because RJ’s dad has filed for emancipation. Meaning- he won’t have to pay for child support or anything towards RJ’s college. I’m not surprised by this. RJ will be 18 in October. I have no desire to fight. I would rather never see a court room again. So, I will show up in the courtroom and allow the judge to grant Bob’s request.  Today is also my mom (Iris’) 75th birthday. RJ and I had a nice time with her. She enjoyed her birthday pizza and liked her cupcake. We are adjusting to this new normal. At the end of the day, I stopped by to say hello to my horse friend.  RJ and I soaked up the quiet peace that surrounded us. Sometimes life is a roller coaster of a day. God is still good through it all. 

  He made it! He did it! A huge chapter in RJ's life has come to a close. Last weekend, RJ graduated from High School.  I'm extremely thankful that my sister Tara, Grandma Ginny, Maddie, Ross, my mom (Iris) and Lisa were able to be there.  I am so proud of him. Now, his new story begins. To every teacher from school and church who poured into his life, thank you. He's a wonderful young man and I look forward to watching what God has in store for him unfold. God is good. 

  I have talked about this before. Most of my life when we have a sermon based off of what is God calling you to do, I would feel a pull to something. I have had some recently and they are future things if, God wants it to happen. That being said, tonight's excellent sermon by Bro. Brian Careccia was along those lines. There was an alter call. I went up and stood to the side. I felt no pull or calling to anything. I asked the Lord what he wanted of me. His reply was " Walk with me and be my friend".  I know Him as my Savior. I know Him as my Father. I know Him as so many things that I could write all night. To walk with him. To talk with Him. To be a friend of God. I like that.  I know if He wants me to go somewhere or do something, I will go without hesitation. I trust Him with the very breath I breath, He did give it to me. My answer of course is yes; I will walk with you Lord and I will gladly be your friend. God is good. 

  A taste, a smell or a sound can transport you back to a memory. The Waxed Apple was one of my favorite fruits in Taiwan. Ever since I have returned, I have looked for it when I visited an Asian grocery store. Every time it was nowhere to be found, until today. I wasn't looking for it. I was simply enjoying all the familiar foods I was seeing in this international grocery store. I had come with friends, and we were enjoying ourselves as we picked out what we wanted to bring home. Then, I saw out of the corner of my eye the unique pink color. I couldn't believe my eyes. Truth be told, I almost cried. This apple is refreshing on a hot and humid day. For me, it's so much more. The touch, taste and smell all brought me back to many happy memories.  God is good.

  Mom’s doing great in rehab. She’s healing well. Thank you to all who have prayed and continue to pray. We have a journey ahead of us. I’m glad for some light moments today as we shared purple peeps together, her favorite snack. God is good.

 I’ve been driving in the rain for over 4 hours. It’s not been the best drive of my life and I’ve been on a lot of road trips. I had my worship music blasting and yes I most definitely was singing on the top of my lungs. Why not, it’s just me and Jesus in the car.  I was able to do a lot of thinking too. A lot of life changes happening at once. I believe RJ finally has college direction and he’s thrilled about it. Some other things happened, that I’m not going to share, but it did put fear in me that I have not felt since I moved to NC. I was able to overcome it today on this drive. My mom (Iris) is in rehab and I meet with a lot of people tomorrow to talk about her health and her future. All of this and more swirling around me. I whispered the name above all names- Jesus and He was right there next to me. The simple question came, “ Is it still a beautiful life?” I was quiet. The fear I was facing was causing me to believe I couldn’t keep this new life that I loved so much. I...

  Tomorrow night I will be heading to NJ to meet with the doctors and to see my mom. This is going to be a difficult meeting.  Life is filled with seasons. Some are beautiful and some not so beautiful.  God's faithfulness remains the same. I have walked with Lord long enough to know He is just as with me in the valley as He is in the mountain. He is a steady and faithful friend. I trust Him. I was thinking on this during my lunch break. I had gone to the park and was soaking up the sunshine. I looked down on the grass and saw some wild berries growing on the grass and remembered a powerful sermon preached by Bro. Loammi Diaz on God feeds the birds. If God feeds the birds, how much more will He take care of you and me. He walks with us. He goes before us. He makes a way. He is our provider. He is our peace.  God is good. 

 Yesterday, we attended our last college visit. RJ has until the end of this month to make a decision. We spent a long time at Appalachia State University. It's a beautiful campus and I would say the most unique out of them all. I will probably go back to visit this area on a Saturday, simply because it's so beautiful. I know he will pray and choose the right school for him. He's a fine young man and I am so proud of him. God is good.

  We like to say that we have different seasons of life. There comes a moment when your parents cross over to a different place and season where they are no longer the independent parent you always knew. My mom (Iris) has always been extremely independent. Stubborn and not willing at times to do what she should do for her health. The last time I visited she looked so good. Healthy, strong and happy. It takes one fall to change it all. Yesterday, she fell and broke her hip. I was not able to go to the hospital and the doctor suggested I wait until we knew how the operation went and instead focus on what the plan will be when she gets out of rehab. He had full confidence she would be fine when she was operated on. He was right. I knew this because people were praying all over the world for my mom and I know who my God is.  The real test will be how she responds and recovers in rehab. I would love for her to move back to her home and keep her independence, but I also know to be h...

  The past week, I have seen this beautiful flower in the trees all over North Carolina. It's even on the trees behind where I live. It fills the air with the most amazing scent. I finally looked it up and discovered it's called Wisteria. If kept in check and pruned it is a wonderful and pleasant flower.  It truly is mesmerizing. However, if left to grow freely, it becomes an invasive plant. The flower becomes a beautiful deception.  If you are not careful and you allow it to cover a tree, it will consume the tree and eventually kill it. What seems to be mesmerizingly wonderful can cause you to lose sight of what it really is and if not kept in checked, it becomes very hard to defeat. It will bring death to whatever it has consumed.  I find that to be a very valuable life lesson. Just because it looks good and feels good, doesn't always mean it's good. Too much of something can have a negative effect. You can put this into relationships all the way to the food we eat...

  Ever since RJ was a baby, I was never ready for when he would decide to make a change. When RJ is ready, he is ready. I still remember when he no longer wanted to nurse, he skipped the bottle completely and went straight to a sippy cup and he wasn't one yet. RJ takes his time to make sure he has it right. He prays about it. Does a lot of research and then when he has come to his decision, he is sure of it.  Today, he was talking about something he was working on and in the moment, I caught a glimpse of him as a little boy. I was like a moving picture of him from when he was little to the very moment of him standing there sharing his thoughts. I saw him as the amazing young man he is. Little boy no more. Happy. Confident. Sure. Hopeful. Dreaming. In a way, flying. My only child. The one I prayed for and gave to the Lord, is embarking on a new journey. This one, I must take a back seat on. This one will have me on my knees in prayer like never before. I hope and pray I have in...

  Ever since I was a child, I had a "call" to go overseas. My mom told me when I was five, she found me digging a hole in the ground because I needed to get to China. I had read a children's book and, in the book, they dug a hole to China. She used to joke that I was born speaking Chinese. In my late teens this call became more pronounced. I was 15 and Bro. Hattabaugh told me I was going to go to China him one day and I laughed and told him no, but the truth was God had been dealing with me for some time.  Then came the day that I was on my very first plane ride and it was with Bro. Hattabaugh to China. I spent 2 weeks there with him and a group of others. That birthed a deep desire in me to return. This was followed by a summer in Taiwan with two other girls, the missionary kids and another guy. We forged a lifelong bond. It could be years since we spoke or seen each other, but when we do, the connections is instant. This led to my going to Taiwan for two one-year trips....

  Tonight, RJ and I experienced our first  Faith Weekend at Heaven View. One of my favorite things about my church is the hallway filled with pictures of missionaries that this church supports financially and of course with prayer.  People brought international themed food and we enjoyed fellowship and great food together. Then, to my surprise and delight both Linder Brothers got up to speak. They are very funny people and truly have a heart for missions. I learned a long time ago there is a special blessing that comes when you give to missions. God is good. 

RJ and I decided to make Date Day a little different. We started with him driving through Tangelwood Park. Then we spent time with the horses. After that we went to Costco. It was RJ’s first time ever being in one. He really enjoyed their hot dog and said it was one of his favorite moments with me and one he will remember for a long time. The simplicity of it all made it all the more special. I love this young man and his simple heart. What an honor and gift it is to be his mother. God is good.